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 Post subject: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 8:18 pm 
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I feel like venting to Dr. Tate. I called to make an appointment, and I do think his receptionist was pleased because no one has been here to see him for awhile now.

Where should I begin? I have know clue....I just need to vent.

First, I used to love Christmas and I still do, kinda. The older I get, the less I like it and the more stress it causes. It's just so complicated. And I'm sure all the stress at work isn't any help.

Last night, I was going through a box of Christmas decor, and I came across a photo album of a ton of "Christmases Past". It really hit me because a number of those people in there are no longer with us. I cried, but I didn't feel sad...just numb.

Then, my parents come home from FL Monday. I was planning on picking them up like I always do, but my uncle (my mom's brother) called an hour ago and TOLD me (not ask, told) that he was going to pick them up. He said that it was the least he could do because he and his family just moved in a new house and my parents really helped a lot. He also wanted to do that because they day before my parents left, a shopping cart hit my dad's car in the store parking lot and really dinged it up, so my uncle decided to get it fixed for Christmas and he wants to see my dad's reaction when he sees (which I totally understand). But for some reason it really upset me.

That same uncle and his wife and kids also won't be here for Christmas Eve. They're going to South Carolina since this will be their last vacation together before their oldest daughter goes away to college. I was angry about that, too, and I don't really know WHY. I mean, yeah, he will be missing my nana's birthday and they usually come late any way...sooo...whatever.
Plus, my dad's sister, who I'm really close with, won't be here for Christmas for the first time ever because she's going to Italy (I'm happy for her, really, I am.) I just don't like when people shake up that status quo, you know? (How selfish does that sound, huh? :roll: )

And my very dear friend just informed me that she and "her Marine" are engaged. I'm ecstatic for them, but I still feel a pang of jealousy. See, like a teenager I go through these phases. I'm usually content with my single, independent lifestyle, but a tiny part of me wants to be a (military) wife...that's probably why I feel the way I do...and especially since it's so close to Christmas. Every Christmas is when I analyze being another year older and still single. And every year I watch "Comfort and Joy" and am reminded of how I am like Jane (a career woman that never thought of having a family who eventually does a 360 on that), and wondering what fate has in store for me.

Speaking of career, my teaching contract in this district is up in 2013 and things don't change by then, I am honestly looking into other options. I used to love it here, I went to school here, but things changed. I hate the SI and the BOE currently consists of a group of jerks. They decided to -- without any reason, explaining, to cut the Jazz programs from both the middle schools. Now, many of you know about how strongly I feel about music education in the school....It's just not right. I love this city, I love my co-workers, and my students, but I have morals and I cannot work somewhere where the BOE doesn't value the opinion of the teachers, parents, and students. It's appalling to say the least.

Whew. I'm finally done. After reading this I hope you still talk to me. I sound like a stuck up, snobby teenager or something! But, I DO feel guilty about being upset over this.


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 1:34 am 
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Ah, a case of the holiday blues. I've been singing a few tunes of my own. :|
I've been wanting to visit Dr. Tate, but I didn't want to overwhelm him since I've let so much build up. I'll vent later.

I hope you're feeling better today.

I think that when you were told you wouldn't be picking up your parents at the airport, you were disappointed, of course, but saddened even more because the photos set you off and seeing your parents coming from the terminal would have been a great highlight for you.

It's not good that people get so stressed out at Christmas. I've been there many times, but this Christmas, not so much. You'd think I would be because of the situation with the last client, I'm very short on cash, (but reminding myself that it's not about the gifts), dealing with my Gran's Alzhiemers, haven't felt like putting up but a few lights...just did that today (still no tree or gifts, yet),....etc. I will continue in my own post.

Like you, I'm happy to hear of new marriages and babies to come, but I also get a little jealous. My cousin said he's planning to propose to his girlfriend on Christmas. I've daydreamed of such a day for myself from the man of my dreams, but no such luck. :roll: I guess it'll be another "single girl" Christmas for me. Amauria is going to be a big sister next year, so.....
The thought of babies at Christmas and my not having my own.... :cry:

Anyway, having your family being a part on Christmas and your Grandmother's b'day can be pretty upsetting, so I think it's okay that you've felt so bad. You're like me...very close to your family and love having those special moments of celebration. When I was a teen and my cousins who were a few years older were away at college, or newly married and with the spouse's family, I felt that the family was broken apart and I didn't like it. It's just a part of like that we all suffer, but have to find a way through. It's not easy, though.

Sorry to hear about the school music program and everything else.
I think that if you're still truly unhappy by the time your contract is up, then you should follow your first-mind and do what you feel is needed. If that's leaving, then so be it. I'm sure you'd be able to find another and better teaching job, or something else you'd enjoy. :)

Again, I hope you're feeling better. You can vent to me via email whenever you feel the urge.


Take care.


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:55 am 
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First let me say that you don't sound at all stuck up, snobby teen (your words, not mine! LOL!) We all go through stronger emotions at holiday times, I think it just goes with the territory with all that the holidays are supposed to mean. You have every right to feel upset at the things you've mentioned, and I think your emotions may be even stronger felt because it's Christmas.

I, too, am feeling a bit melancholy this holiday season for similar reasons to you and LM. My family are pretty far away and I always miss them (my parents and my sister and her family) and with my parents both having health scares recently (they are both fine, thankfully) its' made me even more aware of how far away I am and how rarely I get to see them. Also, I don't have that wonderful man (you know, the one who's supposed to sweep me off my feet) to spend Christmas with and my job isn't safe right now - I'll find out in the new year if I have to find another one...but that's another story.

Still, with all that, I must remind myself of the wonderful things I DO have - my gorgeous son, my family (though they are far away), and my wonderful friends. Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of our blessings but feeling down is very human and I think we need to feel down sometimes in order to appreciate things when they are good (and they will be good again, HATBC and LM! ;) )

I hope you both are feeling better soon - it's not easy, I know.



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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 1:11 pm 
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Thank you, MM.

I hope your spirits are soon lifted, too.
I'm very happy to hear that your parents are doing well. :)

Here's a hug.... (((((MM)))))


Edit -
Oops, I called you by another friend's name, but had your name in the hug. Too much time trying to talk to more than one person at a time. Sorry about that. :oops: I have your name up, now.


Last edited by lm_mccall_l57 on Fri Dec 18, 2009 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
To remove the name "Kate" & replace with "MM"


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 1:13 pm 
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HATBC, I forgot you give you a hug.

Here ya go....

(((((HATBC)))))
Hope today is better.
:)


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 6:01 pm 
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Ah, a case of the holiday blues. I've been singing a few tunes of my own.
I've been wanting to visit Dr. Tate, but I didn't want to overwhelm him since I've let so much build up. I'll vent later.

You know, it’s funny that you mentioned “Holiday Blues” because I almost titled my post that. I’m sorry to hear that you’re a bit down, and I hope things look up soon.

I hope you're feeling better today.
Eh, the week has had its days. Today, however, wasn’t a good one. When I woke up this morning, I had a major flood near my kitchen sink. Yep, you guessed it. The pipe burst…there was water everywhere. It was such a mess! . BUT on the plus side, my sister and BIL fly in tonight! :-D

It's not good that people get so stressed out at Christmas. I've been there many times, but this Christmas, not so much. You'd think I would be because of the situation with the last client, I'm very short on cash, (but reminding myself that it's not about the gifts), dealing with my Gran's Alzhiemers, haven't felt like putting up but a few lights...just did that today (still no tree or gifts, yet),....etc. I will continue in my own post.
Yes, Christmas is very stressful on people. I saw on the news that the depression and suicide rate raise greatly during the holiday season. It’s so sad. You know, next year, I don’t even think I’ll put a tree up. It’s just too much hassle now. I’ll keep your gran in my prayers, too. Alzhiemers is ******* everyone involved. And I’m sorry to hear about the trouble your last client caused.

Like you, I'm happy to hear of new marriages and babies to come, but I also get a little jealous. My cousin said he's planning to propose to his girlfriend on Christmas. I've daydreamed of such a day for myself from the man of my dreams, but no such luck. I guess it'll be another "single girl" Christmas for me. Amauria is going to be a big sister next year, so.....
The thought of babies at Christmas and my not having my own....

I feel the same way. And I’m sure you understand that more than most people….you know. Congrats though to Amauria. That’s nice.

Anyway, having your family being a part on Christmas and your Grandmother's b'day can be pretty upsetting, so I think it's okay that you've felt so bad. You're like me...very close to your family and love having those special moments of celebration. When I was a teen and my cousins who were a few years older were away at college, or newly married and with the spouse's family, I felt that the family was broken apart and I didn't like it. It's just a part of like that we all suffer, but have to find a way through. It's not easy, though.
That’s a good way to describe it…broken apart. I also think a lot of it has to do with the way my mom and dad did the holidays. Considering Christmas Eve is my nana’s birthday, we’ve always gone there (The “B” side) and had the traditional Italian style Christmas Eve with all the works, and then we’d go to my dad’s side, (The “S” side) every Christmas day for the big family gathering. So, I guess somehow when I was little I got it drilled in my head that the S’s celebrate Christmas Day with the S’s and go to their in-laws on Christmas Eve. As time goes on, it’s easier to cope, but it’s still always going to be hard and even sad.

Sorry to hear about the school music program and everything else.
I think that if you're still truly unhappy by the time your contract is up, then you should follow your first-mind and do what you feel is needed. If that's leaving, then so be it. I'm sure you'd be able to find another and better teaching job, or something else you'd enjoy.

Thank you. Since I can’t get out of my contract early, I haven’t really given much thought to what I’d do. All I know is I have about had it with the BOE, I would probably try to get a job in a private school if I could but those are hard to get here. And you know what, the more I deal with the BOE, the louder I hear FL calling my name! Who knows? I doubt I’ll move there….but things change…I just have to wait and see.

Again, I hope you're feeling better. You can vent to me via email whenever you feel the urge.
Thank you, and I appreciate that! :-D


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 6:21 pm 
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First let me say that you don't sound at all stuck up, snobby teen (your words, not mine! LOL!) We all go through stronger emotions at holiday times, I think it just goes with the territory with all that the holidays are supposed to mean. You have every right to feel upset at the things you've mentioned, and I think your emotions may be even stronger felt because it's Christmas.
Well, I’m glad you don’t think I sound stuck up and snobby! :) I bet if all this happened at any other time in the year, it wouldn’t bother me as much. You’re right….it just goes along with the territory.

I, too, am feeling a bit melancholy this holiday season for similar reasons to you and LM. My family are pretty far away and I always miss them (my parents and my sister and her family) and with my parents both having health scares recently (they are both fine, thankfully) its' made me even more aware of how far away I am and how rarely I get to see them. Also, I don't have that wonderful man (you know, the one who's supposed to sweep me off my feet) to spend Christmas with and my job isn't safe right now - I'll find out in the new year if I have to find another one...but that's another story.
That has to be very heard being so far away from your parents and family. I couldn’t even imagine that. I admire you for that! I’m very sorry to hear about the health scares, and I’m pleased to hear they both are okay…that’s wonderful. I’m also sorry to hear about the job. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

Still, with all that, I must remind myself of the wonderful things I DO have - my gorgeous son, my family (though they are far away), and my wonderful friends. Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of our blessings but feeling down is very human and I think we need to feel down sometimes in order to appreciate things when they are good (and they will be good again, HATBC and LM! )
So true…we do tend to lose sight of all the wonderful things in our lives. I was reminded of that recently myself, and it’s sad that sometimes it takes a tragedy for us to realize/remember that.

Thank you. 


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 8:12 pm 
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Oh, and thanks for the hugs you! I'm sending some back! ((((((Hugs))))))


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 7:54 pm 
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And hugs back to both of you! ((((((LM and HATBC))))))

And LM, don't worry about the name thing - I know you love me no matter what you call me! LOL!


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 2:31 am 
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You're welcome. Of course I love you, but I'd like to remember my own sister's name when posting notes to her. :oops: :lol:

I'm glad you understand how my mind is.
:D


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 7:16 pm 
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:D


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 Post subject: Re: Hmm. I just don't know...
PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:00 pm 
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Back atcha... :D


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