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 Post subject: Fooled once again by a so-called friend. Not cool.
PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2013 6:34 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:13 am
Posts: 4666
Location: On a good day, planet Earth in NE Alabama.
For those of you who've known me for a few years or so, or even for a shorter length of time, but may feel that you know me pretty well, know that I'm the type of person who tries to be friendly and kind to others unless I know they're up to no good.

Quite a few years ago, I made a new friend who was going through some really tough times in her life. She was having problems with her marriage and talked to me a lot about the situation. I was always ready to listen and to offer any advice that may be of help.

At the same time, I was going through some problems with my ex-boyfriend and I'd vent to her about him. She was quite supportive and I appreciated her for it.

It seems that after a while, she decided to start dating again, and she started putting her friends on the back burner. She told me that one of he friends had her feelings hurt because she'd started canceling their plans to spend time with her new boyfriend, and she thought this friend was not being understanding enough. At first, I thought that maybe she could be right because sometimes even if only a minute is taken away, a person may feel jealous when their friend finds a new boyfriend or girlfriend, so I told her not to worry too much about it and to see if the friend will show a bit more support and understanding as time goes on. I even suggested that she invite the friend to go out with her and her boyfriend. I don't know if she ever did.

After a while, she said the friend was still hurt, so I told her to give her a bit more time, but she said she was tired of giving her time and that she needed to be with her boyfriend. I told her that I could never see myself throwing my friends away over a man, not even my husband unless they were causing trouble.
She started to send fewer emails to me, she didn't give updates on her kids, the snail mail greeting cards stopped coming, and she didn't reply to my emails. I figured she was busy with her kids and boyfriend (now husband after a very short time of dating), so I didn't fuss too much. After a while, I started seeing posts of good news for her on FB and I'd comment with kind words. Did I get any replies? Nope. I found that any other reply was answered, but mine were skipped over. I thought it could have been an oversight, so I started posted new messages directly to her. Nope...still no replies. I started to think that she got her attitude because she didn't like my speaking the truth. I'd told her that I did feel that she rushed into this marriage, but she was the one who asked what I thought. Duh! If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question! :roll:
I honestly don't think that she's as happy as she wants others to believe.

Another thing that bothered me about the situation, and I told her about it, was that she decided to give this man basically half of what she owned and had gained in her divorce from husband #1. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea while they were still just dating. Again...don't want the answer, don't ask the question.

I feel that if anyone can be so close to you and call you their sister, they should at least be willing to be adult enough to explain why they're behaving in such an ill manner towards you when you've done nothing but support them and to let them know that some of the things they're doing may not be in their best interest.

Needless to say, without a word, she decided to remove me from her list of friends on FB. No biggie. My life will surely go on, and I know that what I did was to try and help her. Before she did that, I sent her an email to ask what went wrong between us, but she never replied. I have a strong feeling that her husband has a lot of control over what she can and can't do, and who she can and can't talk to. Sounds like a few moments from "Fools Rush In", but I hope and pray it's not that serious.

When she needed to talk about her first husband, I was always there. When I wanted to talk about my ex-boyfriend, she was there, but the main focus always seemed to go back to her topics. I felt that as much as I needed to vent too, she may have needed it more, so I let he go for it and hoped I'd get more chances as time went on.

I'm just not happy with how she's handled things as I had always figured her to be one to always talk things through as in the past, but once she got with this :shock:

I honestly think she's ashamed of what's going on in her life and how she's treated me and the other girl, so rather than face me, she decided to "run" from me.

Anyway, I just needed to vent about this and to let you know, that if you find a man who takes that much control over your life, maybe you've found the wrong man. When I date a new guy, I always make it known from the jump that he's not going to keep me from my family or my friends, and he tries, he's got to go. One guy did try that with me, and of course I snapped and told him where to go in a quick hurry. Unless the friends/family cause trouble for you, there's no need to cut them loose. No need.

Ah, I feel better, now.

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